I’ve been turning over in my mind lately the idea of how we serve God, or maybe it’s how God works through us. Or maybe something else altogether, I’m not sure yet. It’s this idea of when I feel so in tune with God that I just know that in my very being that he is speaking or working through me in that moment and everything in life just clicks.
I feel it most acutely when I’m communicating with others. I’ve felt it in the past but am more able through this year of deeper self-discovery to start to pinpoint these moments when I’m talking with someone, or now in this case writing to whoever might be reading out there, where I step out of the way and somehow God steps in my place and I begin to share words that I don’t even know where they come from. The best way I can explain it is speaking in tongues, but the kind everyone in the room can understand.
And I know it happens because while I’m sharing, the person on the receiving end will have this look in their eyes where whatever I’m sharing is clicking somewhere inside of them. Sometimes they even begin scrawling down notes on a piece of paper. And from my end, I become increasingly self-aware that the words that are coming from me are in all actuality just flowing from me, from a deep place, and all I need to do in that moment is open the floodgates and pour forth whatever wisdom is meant to come out.
I’ve been calling it a conduit because it’s the best picture I can have in my mind for this. Somewhere, somehow God and I have a connection in a moment and he decides that in that moment he wants to connect also with whomever I am with. I sit and I listen, to the other and to the Spirit and I ask graciously, what needs to happen here? What invitation needs to be made?
What a privilege it is that the work of God that we do doesn’t come from our own hands. The great Creator, and in my medium the creator of words, chooses to shape my words and articulate them in a way that transforms the kingdom around me. So instead of thinking that I must perform, or I must conjure up something profound from my self and offer it up to him to then judge and manipulate into something worthy to share with the masses what if it’s actually being a living sacrifice, offering nothing but myself on the altar to make a peace and reconciliation between God and his people because he is going to work through me.
I have to admit that though I feel fully alive in these moments and don’t ever want them to end, they also are quite scary. Because here’s the thing, we don’t serve a tame and safe God. I remember the childhood classic, “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” by CS Lewis where the children are learning about Aslan and that he is the rescuer but he’s also a lion and I believe it’s Lucy who inquires, “is he a tame lion?” because of course the thought of a lion conjures up a power and fierceness that is frightening and the beavers answer is, “of course not, but he is good.” Is God tame, oh no my friends he is not but is he good? He is the only good that exists. So when we enter into the service of our Creator he is going to invite us into these incredible, not safe things, that will put our necks out on the line. But if we are this conduit that is a bridge between God and here that will transform not only ourselves but the world around us, how can we say no.
I’ve said no, I say no a lot. Because I go back to that thinking that the work I do must come from me and then I get in the way of God’s best intentions. A few years ago I was singing a song to God in corporate worship on Sunday morning and sang the line, “And if our God is for us then who could ever stop us. And if our God is with us then what could stand against,” which comes from a passage of Paul’s letters to the Romans (8:31). God’s voice spoke to me as I sang those words out, “you Kelly, you are what stops you and in turn stops me from doing the work I want to do.” It stopped me dead in my tracks and choked the words in my throat. I am the one who holds me back and shuts down the conduit that God wants to move through. My fear, my laziness, my inner critic that says what if I mess up so it’s better to just not try at all and play it safe, my lack of awareness to the presence of God in the moment by moment of my life. What if I died to self, to that fear and lived for Christ? What awesome things could God and I do?
So friends, where are you a conduit for God? When are the moments that your life clicks and you are so aware of the presence of God and what he is doing in you and through you that you feel fully alive? Is it painting a picture or baking a cake? Is it writing a computer program or a business proposal? Is it teaching others or healing the wounds of the broken? God has work for all of us to do in his kingdom, the question is will you step out of your own way to let him do it?