Life has been a cluster of crazy the last month. My family and I have decided to move after calling this house our home for the last 10 years. It was a pretty quick decision and only took about six weeks to buy a house and sell ours. On the outside looking in I can understand why people might assume we’re moving for more space, a better location or school, but on the inside, it has been a much deeper journey to reach peace and healing.
As I’ve shared, 2017 was a year of watching friend after friend move away. At the beginning of this year, my husband and I started entertaining the thought that maybe it was our time to think about moving as well. We never thought we’d live in this house forever and after adding our third child to the family, the walls began to squeeze in on us more and more. Every few months we’d clean out the closets and reorganize the space and make it work for us for just a little bit longer. We’d come to love this little neighborhood and the place we brought all our babies home to.
Our home taught us so many lessons. Having a smaller space forced us to live a simpler life and to learn to live with less which in turn changed our heart to desire a simple life. Living in one spot for 10 years when our area is so transient taught us to put down roots and meet our neighbors. Being some of the longest living folks on the street meant we were the welcome committee, showing people around, learning the local spots, sharing the exact trash pickup times twice a week. We have gotten to meet the whole world in our backyard here and have made some of the dearest friends in life. To leave would not be an easy decision.
The thought of moving scared me at first. Could I really handle one more change in my life? We would keep swaying back and forth, yes we should move now, no we can wait a little longer, but we always swayed back to yes, maybe now is the time. I knew the gravity of the decision to move and didn’t want to take it lightly, was I moving just to avoid my problems and my emotions, to avoid having to process the pain of life and grief of loss I had experienced last year?
And then God spoke, as he always does in his soft, gentle way if we are willing to slow down and listen. He said sometimes in life we need a physical move to necessitate an emotional and spiritual healing. Wow, how very true.
I realized that sometimes, to give ourselves permission to move on in life we need to actually move on. A change of scenery, no matter how subtle can help shift our perspective and sigh a breath of release. Though my home had so many happy, joyful, fulfilling memories, subconsciously I would also remember my dad every time I used the light switch he replaced and remember the friends upon friends I’ve had to say goodbye to every time I walked out my front door and drove past their houses. Those are memories that yes, are good but are so, so heavy in my heart.
I realized the more I agonized over the decision to move kept feeding my inner perfectionist. Each choice had its merits but no, there was not a “perfect” choice to make. Giving myself permission to make a decision, whether it was the perfect one or not again helped me to move on in other ways. Stop feeding the inner critic and start living in the freedom to live. To stay would be hard, to move would be hard, but life is hard, no matter what the choices we make, we can’t avoid them, we can only live within the grace given us this day and move forward surrendered to perfect Love.
Once I listened and stepped over into that surrender to accept whatever would come next a house appeared. As our family toured around it my husband and I began to dream and vision where our things would go and more importantly how we could open this new place to the people that are in our lives now and the ones we still have to invite. Our kids ran around, picking bedrooms and giggling and throwing a ball in the backyard. In one visit we could already see how this house could transform into our next home. I wonder what lessons it will have to teach us? I wonder how we will all be able to move on?