This story strikes me every time I read it:
“They came to Jericho. As Jesus, his disciples, and a substantial crowd were leaving the town, a blind beggar named Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the road. When he heard it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout out, “Son of David! Jesus! Take pity on me!”
Lots of people told him crossly to be quiet. But he shouted out all the louder, “Son of David–take pity on me!”
Jesus came to a stop. “Call him,” he said.
So they called the blind man.
“Cheer up,” they said, “and get up. He’s calling you.”
He flung his cloak aside, jumped up, and came to Jesus.
Jesus saw him coming. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked.
“Teacher,” the blind man said, “let me see again.”
“Off you go,” said Jesus. “Your faith has saved you.” And immediately he saw again, and followed him on the way.”
Mark 10:46-52 (The Kingdom New Testament)
There is just so much about this story that captures my attention and makes me wonder. I begin to wonder, what part of me, deep down is this blind beggar Bartimaeus, shouting out for Jesus to heal me? And what parts of me are telling it to be quiet and to stop bothering him? Where do I need to allow myself to just keep shouting because I am in such desperate need to see again in my life and be healed? And then I wonder, if Jesus were standing here, right in front of me, face to face and asked me what he wanted me to do, what would I ask for? It causes me to search for that deep, vulnerable place inside.
I remember back, years ago to reading a little book called, “Surrender to Love,” by David Benner. The second chapter is all about love and fear. As I was reading it struck a nerve inside of me. There was some fear inside of me that needed to be surrendered, a place inside that was calling out to be healed but was being hushed. I quieted my self and began to search for that piece of me. She was sitting quietly behind a tree I remember and Jesus called for her to come out. He asked what she wanted and she shared her deepest fear and that she wanted to be healed. A wave of emotion came over me that I was not anticipating. I had been holding onto it for so very long and hushed it down that I wasn’t even aware of it anymore, but when I surrendered to Love, when I answered his question, he saw my faith and he healed me.
That was almost nine years ago and I still hold that memory so vividly in my mind and in my heart and I was reminded of it today when I read this passage in Mark. Perhaps it is time to quiet my self again and let Jesus go on a search to restore me.